


100 Recipes for Arsenic and More!

by Titans_R_Us



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: "Mother" needs her own tag, Break the Cutie, Canon Deaths still happen sorry, Dark! Hufflepuff, Gen, Poisoned baked goods, What happens when a 'Puff' snaps, bamf! Cedric, basically mafia family Hufflepuff, people would really like to mother hen Harry please, scary mother hens, you better run Voldy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6757243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titans_R_Us/pseuds/Titans_R_Us
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Any house but Hufflepuff," is a common phrase at Hogwarts. Gryffindors have courage, Ravenclaws sprout wit, Slytherins are ambitious, but poor unfortunate Hufflepuffs. Air headed, hardworking, social idiots is their sad reputation. </p>
<p>Which is exactly how they like it.<br/>After all who could suspect a Hufflepuff?</p>
            </blockquote>





	100 Recipes for Arsenic and More!

"Any house but Hufflepuff," is a common phrase at Hogwarts. Gryffindors have courage, Ravenclaws sprout wit, Slytherins are ambitious, but poor unfortunate Hufflepuffs. Air headed, hardworking, social idiots is their sad reputation. 

**Which is exactly how they like it.**

After all who could suspect a Hufflepuff? 

* * *

 

It used to be an inside joke. That the moment the Hogwart's Hat shrieked, "HUFFLEPUFF!" You were automatically family. Well to be honest you were _'in'_ the family. Even when you graduate those associations never end. Helga Hufflepuff, the first matron or _mother_ , would be proud of maintaining such connections.

After all it's a kind alumni 'puff' that gets you a job. 

Often it's a fellow 'puff' that introduces you to your soulmate. Who, surprise! Is also a puff or fresh talent that can be adopted into...their ways. There are even whole communities of former Hufflepuffs living together! All you need is to do is know the right person and the rent is fantastic. 

Isn't it wonderful to have so many people helping and working together? 

Though when an outsider 'helps' it can put things in a bind. It's these kinds of thoughts that have Cedric slumped by the fire crackling in the Hufflepuff common room wondering his case. The Triwizard Tournament wasn't kidding when it comes to challenging the competitors.   Without that 'tip' from the-boy-who-lived, Cedric might have become _the-boy-that-burned_. Which brings up Cedric's sensitive issue. 

Cedric owes Harry Potter a favor. 

True, the little fourth year had no idea what his actions imbued, that the everyday currency for a 'puff' are favors.  

All it takes is a sigh and three first years chime, "What's wrong Cedric?" Bless their hearts, Hufflepuffs never brood alone. 

"I owe a Gryffindor a favor," Cedric bemoans. Owing is a tricky business and to an oblivious Gryffindor is the worst. A couple others around the room properly gasp and come over to hover. 

"A favor given, a favor gained."  Says a solemn second year boy. Cedric jostles his shoulder playfully. "Don't worry, don't you think a seventh year like me can handle it?"

"But Puffs are supposed to get favors, not give them!" An older girl, Amelia, huffs as she shoves a plate of cupcakes under Cedric's nose. "Here try one, they'll cheer you up!" 

He does, the sweet tang coating his mouth and swallows with relish. The buttercream frosting is luscious and thick.  Nothing beats Hufflepuff baked goods. Nothing. He slaps a wandering hand of one of the youngest that wouldn't be immune to the effects yet. 

"Huh...your ratios have gotten better! I can barely taste the persuasion and arsenic!"  

Amelia beams, "Why thank you, I've been practicing!" 

"There's a hint of bitter though, perhaps worms-worth or hartskin would help with that?" 

And to think Professor Snape believes they cheat on their exams. He had even accused them of bribing Ravenclaws for their notes! Which to be fair...they do. Just not for potions. Why when cooking a stew is the same as making a brew? 

"Hmmm. I'll write that down, if you want you can have my next batch." 

 "Ooh, maybe your 'Gryffindor' would appreciate them!" The one with grabby hands smiles without guile. She's be a lovely monster when she grows into her body. Cedric can only imagine the hearts she'll string. 

"Sadly no, I don't think that's the best way to handle the Potter boy." 

"So it's Potter! How regrettable." Most Hufflepuffs believe it’s _tragic_ that the boy didn't become one of their own.  The boy shows so many puff characteristics and would benefit so much. 

"He's so thin!" Cries a mother hen.  Perfect for fattening up. Too bad poison training takes about two years. Their black widow cookies are to die for. 

"He's not used to touch, I bet it comes from his home life." Another teen remarks from the wall. Many would volunteer for that cuddle pile. Or squish their beds together for months because a Hufflepuff rarely lacks company for sleep. 

"And that face! Just think what those puppy eyes could do?" And just with a little coaching too. 

Yes, it was regrettable that Harry wasn't sorted correctly. He would be a wonderful addition to the family. Oh well, at least it's great fodder for gossip.

"Yeah, you should have seen that adorable determined expression when he told me about the dragons." Someone's fingers thread through Cedric's hair, "He was so earnest about it.  It doesn't seem fair to use our normal method you know?"  A hum of agreement passes though the room. 

Hufflepuff is a friend to all but not everyone is family. Traditionally, information is flirted for. Baked goods act as addicting bribes. A well placed charm on the steps handles a bully or two. A complacent smile for a teacher can go a long way. Though it's a pity Professor Snape never seems to accept their cakes on Christmas Day. _Such a pity._ You would think a potions master would appreciate his student's poisons! Especially when they're even applying his lessons on a regular basis. 

"Why not trade the same favor?" Another cupcake is pressed into Cedric's hand. "Don't you already know about the next task?" 

That's right the mermaids. "A juicy clue and the password for the prefect’s bathroom would balance the scale wonderfully." Cedric smiles and takes a huge bite from the toxic dessert. "Thanks, that's perfect."

"Of course it’s perfect, I'm perfect." The common room rings with laughter. 

Cedric loves his Hufflepuff Family so much. He doesn't know what he'd do without them.  "Well when I win this bloody tournament, a round of butter beer is on me for all Puffs!" They cheer and Cedric feels like a king. 

Who knows maybe _Mother_ will be proud and want a drink too.

* * *

 

The field is dark and rain falls like knives on the audience members. The tournament is over. But no one won. Not really. 

Not Potter with glassy eyes as teachers and officials ask him the same questions over and over and over. 

Not Hogwarts, the castle whispering of fear and shadows tighten their grip on the mind. 

Not the house of Hufflepuff staring at the body of their fallen head boy.  Acting as silent sentinels they watch Cedric's father curse and sob into his son's cold flesh. 

"You promised us a drink, Cedric." One whimpers against another. "Y-you promised." Fists clench and teeth feel like they're cracking under the pressure of their grief. 

Hufflepuffs are supposed to be unnoticed. Doing their work in the background, milking their reputation and not standing out too much. Standing out...makes you a target. Hufflepuffs are supposed to be flighty, cheerful dunderheads. 

That's the way they like it. 

But they can make an exception for one dark lord. 

Stupid man. _Mother_ will not be happy. After all, no one gets away with hurting a member of the family. _No one._ Voldemort better run. 

**No one does revenge better than a Hufflepuff.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's not really a lot about Hufflepuff is there? They kind of have a stigma about being the most boring and naive house, but what if something more is happening behind the scenes? Hence Mafia Hufflepuff. Still very very friendly and hardworking but they're the dark motherhens from hell. Thanks for reading and please review if you have any comments or ideas for future drabbles!


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